A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

Fred Allen #Other #Journalists

A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.

Fred Allen #Other #Journalists

Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission.

Fred Allen #Other #Journalists

An income tax form is like a laundry list -- either way you lose your shirt.

Fred Allen #Other #Journalists

California is a fine place to live--if you happen to be an orange.

Fred Allen #Other #Journalists

Committee--a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.

Fred Allen #Other #Journalists

Do we really deserve top billing?

Fred Allen #Other #Journalists

During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.

Fred Allen #Other #Journalists

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns he should be drawn and quoted.

Fred Allen #Other #Journalists

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie stars.

Fred Allen #Other #Journalists

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