"I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens."

Woody Allen

"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."

Woody Allen

"I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch."

Woody Allen

"I've never been an intellectual but I have this look."

Woody Allen

"If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right."

Woody Allen

"If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job."

Woody Allen

"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank."

Woody Allen

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans."

Woody Allen

"If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative."

Woody Allen

"In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows."

Woody Allen

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